More thoughts on Koo Koo Roo.
I thought the economy was doing better, but it must not be. Koo Koo Roo can’t afford to print its logo on their To-Go bags anymore.
Bra Fitting.
Yesterday I had my first bra-fitting, ever, at the age of 30. That’s the first time I’ve admitted my age on the internet. I think my IMDB says I’m 25. So hopefully no one will see this.
I discovered that I’ve been wearing the wrong size for years. The sales associate at Nordstrom who helped me through the process was freaking out the entire time.
Sales associate (excitedly): “Don’t you feel different???!!!”
Me: “Well I mean, I just put it on, so it’s too soon to tell.”
Sales associate (excitedly): “We change people’s lives. People usually walk out of the fitting in tears, because they realize what a huge difference the right bra can make.”
Me (not teary): “Wow.”
Sales associate (excitedly): “People don’t realize it, but that’s what we’re here to do. We’re here to help. I love helping people so much that this job has inspired me and I’m actually going back to school and am going to study medicine! I just love helping people so much!!!”
Why do people who sell bras take their job so seriously? I know another girl who sells bras and at every social function I go to, she’s there casually telling people how they’re wearing the wrong bra and how she needs to fit them in the proper bra. It’s kinda rude.
I mean, seriously, Nordtrom lady, you’re selling a bra and getting a commission, not changing the world here.
The worst part? When I was checking out and saw the disgusting total that my new bras had come to, the sales associate chimed in:
“Bras are meant to last 9 months, so we’ll see you back here soon! It’s good you bought 3 – one to wear, one to rest, and one to wash. Never wear the same bra two days in a row, your bra needs a break. Oh, and you should buy this special bra detergent, and a mesh bag to wash them in. Regular detergent like Tide will deteriorate your bra very quickly, and it will only last 6 months.”
I was standing there in shock and awe (and in horror, wearing a bra I bought 3 years ago). I bought the mesh bag, but I’m still gonna wash mine in Tide.
Molly.
A Letter to My Fans.
Dear Fans,
Sorry I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve been really busy.
Molly
Mid-October in L.A..
it’s 105 degrees in L.A. today and women are wearing fall boots. don’t wear fall boots when it’s hot out, ladies. you don’t look fashionable, you look like a moron. you’re not fooling anyone. we know you have really gross, sweaty legs and feet. #dressfortheweather,nottheseason
Resident Memo.
My landlord often posts obnoxious memos near our mailboxes, for all of the residents to see.
This one particularly struck me, as I read that many residents of our building are using the garbage disposal as a trash can. I can’t believe these idiots can afford the rent.
Patricia Heaton.
I read an article online today about Patricia Heaton (star of “Everybody Loves Raymond”). She apparently has very religious and Repulican views- for example she’s anti abortion, etc. She said that having such beliefs in a very “left” Hollywood is tough and a lot of people don’t want to work with her because of that.
I have a feeling that if Pat isn’t getting cast in something, it’s because of her God-awful haircut, not because of her beliefs.
USAMA.
I meant to post this just over a week ago, the night President Obama announced that Osama was dead.
Wasn’t sure if this was a moron’s mistake (after all, it was FOX news), or if it was a cute little spelling they had in mind because we got him. Either way, it’s ridiculous.
Pads.
I keep seeing this ad everywhere.
Who are they targeting?
WHO ARE THESE WOMEN WHO NEED EXCITING PADS????
Personal Trainer.
I saw this advertisement on a street post in Hollywood today:
Then I had a fantasy about how the conversation would go if I called this guy Brett up:
Ring. Ring.
Guy answers phone: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi, umm… Brett?”
Brett: “Ya, this is Brett. Who is this?”
Me: “Molly. I saw your advertisement.”
Brett: “What advertisement?”
Me: “The one you posted on a street post on Santa Monica Boulevard.”
Brett thinks to himself, “Awesome! Target marketing is so effective!”
Me: “So yeah, I want to get some personal training sessions from you. It seems (from your ad) like you’re really qualified!”
Brett: “Yeah, so here’s the deal, Molly – why don’t you meet me at my house… I live at…”
Writing a Check.
This is a conversation that literally just happened.
Since I’m such a sweet person, let’s call this idiot Beatrice for now.
Beatrice is writing a check.
Beatrice: “What’s today’s date?”
Me: “The third.”
Beatrice: “Like, 6?”
Me: “No. Like 3. It’s the third.”
Beatrice: “Like 5?”
Me: “No. Today is the third.”
Beatrice (yelling): “You’re not understanding me – LIKE SIX?”
Me (yelling): “NO. TODAY IS MAY 3rd.”
Beatrice (yelling): “I HEARD YOU! BUT IS MAY THE FIFTH OR SIXTH MONTH IN THE YEAR???”
Keep in mind, folks, that Beatrice is a working actress.
